Full Length

Gather round, and listen to the story of The Friday Night I Visited Home and The Shennanigans that Pursued.

It was a regular Friday night, glorious by the virtue of the fact that it was Friday and all the shit of that week had been properly waded through and we had successfully popped out the other end, with the beginning of a joyous weekend to look forwards to. 

My family and I were sitting in the living room, engaging in a popular American past time traditionally referred to as "sitting around and eating while watching TV." It was then that fate raised its delicate hand and prodded my younger brother to move with it.

My brother is a ninth grader named Michael and is almost mostly all of what you'd expect from a ninth grade boy.

Michael, imbued with fate, rose from the couch and began to cross the room.

It was then that my mother, previously the perfect picture of calm with her cup of tea and relaxed in the rocking chair, suddenly grabbed Michael by the shoulders. Her eyes grew to the size of Olympic discuses, and her mouth became wider than that of a hula hoop specially designed for the world's fattest man. She exclaimed, "What is THAT?"

My brother, in response to this sudden confrontation, doubled up with immediate laughter. My father and I exchanged looks, as lost in the conversation as the Pope in an Alaskan recycling plant.

Michael remained doubled over as my mother reached over and peeled a sticker from my brother's lovely generic red shirt, and held it up with an expression of half-bemusement, half "how in the world did this thing I did birth think this would ever be an intelligent act" so that my dad and I could see what all the hulabaloo was about.

What she held was a transparent, rectangular clothing sticker that had "FULL LENGTH" printed on it in bold typeface. It had been, apparently, originally on my brother's pants and Michael, ever the opportunist, thought it an ingenious action to transfer the sticker from his pants to his shirt.

Oh, the hilarity! The implications! The innuendo!

I thought it was pretty funny. Mom had other opinions. Judging from the way dad rolled his eyes, I figured he might be in agreement.

The subject was dropped when Michael continued his quest to the kitchen in search of pie, and we resumed our American TV watching traditions.

But as commercial break rolled around, the subject resurfaced like a dead body carelessly tossed in a lake with all the future ramifications of equalizing density carelessly forgotten about.

My mom was back on it. "Don't tell me any girls noticed it!" Always a top concern with the mother.

"Eh," replies my brother with all the enthusiasm of a salted slug.

The conversation continues. My mom asks who saw it. My brother informs her a scholarly peer of his, Morgana, inquired as to what the sticker's purpose was. Alas, poor innocent Morgana, completely at the mercy of my brother and his perverted ninth grade intentions. My mother empathizes.

"NO!" She practically roars, again with the half bemusement, half horror. I felt a chill as the demons of hell that powered my mother's outraged cries flew forth from her vocal chords and passed by me. "I HOPE YOU DIDN'T TELL HER IT WAS ABOUT YOUR PENIS BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE DISGUSTING!"

Ah! My mother has done it, and mentioned the dreaded P-WORD. The subtlety shattered like stained glass in a church. My dad rolled his eyes.

"OH MICHAEL," continues my mother, "YOU ARE GOING TO BECOME WEIRD TO GIRLS!"

I can't help but notice the subtle implication that he is not yet weird to girls.

"I can't believe it Michael, oh my gosh." My mother goes through Stages of Michael. They are similar to Stages of Grief, but deal with the stages she passes through upon learning that my brother has done something wonderfully stupid. She is approaching the Acceptance stage, which ironically enough is marked with phrases of "I can't believe it Michael, I can't believe it."

"It's okay, she knows me!" replies Michael.

My mother, quite rightfully, responds, "Oh God. I don't know if that means good or bad."

"Fine mom." The battle is almost done. Michael is conceding ground. "I promise not to make anymore penis jokes in front of girls."

*For the record my mother would kill me if I made any association between her and demons from hell.

Sidekicks

I will always prefer the tunes of those who play second fiddle.

OH LOL WAS THAT CORNY AS HELL OR WHAT. Cornier than an Iowa farm!

No no, in honesty though. This is something I've come to realize a lot. I was making a list one day of characters who I fell in love with from books and TV shows and the like to gain inspiration for characters of my own to write about, and I came up with a list something like this:

1. Nightcrawler (X-Men comics)
2. Tobias (Sweeney Todd, musical)
3. Samneric (Lord of the Flies)
4. Ron Weasley (Harry Potter)
5. Tweek (South Park)
6. Merry and Pippin (Lord of the Rings, movie)
7. Flycatcher (Fables)
8. Jasper (Twilight) (Go ahead and judge me I can take it)

And it went on and on, and continues to go on and on. Like right now I'd add Evra from the Cirque Du Freak series for sure because I love that guy.

But I'm realizing a trend, and when I was talking to my friend about one of these characters once he commented how I never go for the heroes. I always fall in love with their side kicks or the comic relief bits. I was wondering about that (also you could argue that some characters I listed are a mix of main and sidekick types - like Nightcrawler, but don't get me started on that).

I think it's because in the formula for your book, a lot of the good stories have the plot riding on the main character. The hero needs to be someone who can drive the plot forwards, and in a lot of the books or movies or shows I've read/watched and overall enjoyed, this has often required a certain kind of character. The hero needs to have certain qualities, like bravery or acceptance or something of the like, in order to be the hero. A lot of the characters I like can't really hold a story on their own. But that's why I like them. I think the main characters get imbued with certain traits, which means all the fun quirks and interesting character designs and flaws get gifted to the extra characters, the ones who don't have to worry about the weight of the world (so to speak) and are there for relief, to add to the backdrop or aid/hurt the hero.

Even with my villains  I tend to veer like that. I won't go all into it, but in terms of Batman I'm more a Scarecrow than Joker type. Scarecrow's big in his own name, but amongst the rogue gallery he could do with a little more respect.

I find this crops up in my writing a lot. My main characters are either more sidekick types who follow a "hero" character, but keep the focus of the story on themselves, or I use the blandest most stereotypical type A hero to simply drive the story along, while putting all my creative energies into the cast of characters that surround this hero. It's interesting to see this and realize how I need to adjust the balance.

There's not much of a point to this. I guess I'm curious as to how many other people might feel like this. Obviously, I'm a huge sidekick fan. For me, they're like the toppings on a pizza; you could have it with just cheese, but how lame would that be?*

*I recognize the fail value of this metaphor. Made doubly fail by the fact that I actually love cheese pizza. Whatever.

Why I Love issue 1 of "Young Avengers Presents: Patriot"

 The Young Avengers is a fictional superhero team based in the Marvel Universe, consisting of seven teenage heroes who each pattern themselves after a certain member of the legit Avengers team (go check wikipedia on this because I'm not aboutta go into all this history). It's one of the freaking best series of comics out there, and there aren't even that many issues of this gang out there, making it a really easy series to catch up and understand. I'd invest.

"Young Avengers Presents" was a six series mini in which each issue focused on a certain Young Avenger (or two, in the case of Billy and Tommy's issue). The first one focused on Patriot, the leader of the Young Avengers, and his struggle as a young black man, calling himself "Patriot" in a time when he's finding it hard to scrape together anything to love about his country.

For those of you too uninterested in clicking the wikipedia link I so thoughtfully placed within this post, let me give you a brief breakdown on Patriot. Patriot's grandpa, Isaiah Bradley, is the unofficial original Captain America; before the first Super Soldier Serum was given to the skinny philanthropist Steve Rogers,  Marvel history writes that a preliminary serum was tested on African-American soldiers. Of course, the serum had devastating effects (read: death) on its subjects, and all the test soldiers died except Isaiah, who went AWOL to stop the Germans from creating their own Super Soldiers. Of course, instead of being rewarded for his hard work, in typical American style, the white leaders freak out and try to cover the whole thing up and Isaiah is court-martialed and locked away. He emerges from the experience a changed man and rarely talks.

Okay, fast-forward some number of years later. His grandson, Eli Bradley (Patriot) is in an accident and gets a blood transfusion from his grandpa, inheriting his grandpa's super powers.

That's all the context for now. Let's get into why I love this issue by kicking it off with an extremely long exceprt!

Oh wait  I lied here comes some more context. The beginning of this issue kicks off with Eli giving a presentation about the Tuskegee experiment. In response to his (rightly) critical presentation of race and America, his (white) classmates tease him, shouting things such as "You're racist! Everything's about race to you!"

Hence Eli's struggle as a black teenage superhero calling himself Patriot when America sucks ass.

The issue ends with one of the greatest pieces of dialogue I've ever read, between Eli and Bucky Barnes, aka the Winter Soldier (way too much history for me to cover there so, once again, check out the thoughtfully placed link right there).

OH GOD MORE CONTEXT WAIT - this issue was fairly recent, taking place after the Civil War (aka the death of Captain America), but before his return. Hence why they are depressed and talking about his death and all that fun stuff OKAY.

Patriot: Um...so why were you at my place today? Talking to my Grandpa.
 

Winter Soldier: I wanted to pay my respects, I suppose. And talk to someone who wore the uniform...your granddad's a real hero. I think Steve would've liked him a lot, if they'd met back then.
 

P: Yeah, I think so, too...I guess.
 

WS: What's on your mind Eli?
 

P: I don't know...a bunch'a stuff...I mean...You know about my Grandpa, and what they did to him...and you know how this country has treated black people, like...a lot. And, I don't know...I guess I set out to honor my grandpa. And then after I met Cap...your Cap...I stopped being angry so much.
 

WS: But now?
 

P: Now that he's dead, and with the whole registration thing and all...I don't know what it means anymore. To be a black kid calling myself "Patriot," y'know? 'Cause I don't really feel like I love this country a lot of the time
 

WS: I know what you mean...but...man, this was way more Steve's territory than mine...But I think you have to realize that America is bigger than its politics or its problems. Steven would say, America is an idea. But I'm not sure i really know what that means, sometimes.
 

P: Yeah, me either.
 

WS: See, Steve always tried to see the best in everyone, and I'm not like that. But I'm trying to be, you know? I think, just like most people, America isn't just one thing. It's not just slavery and what happened to the Indians. It's not just what happened to your Granddad. It's also the New Deal, and the Civil Rights Movement, and democracy...
 

P: And Martin Luther King.
 

WS: Yeah. But really, if I were you, I'd be having a hard time carrying that name, too. The difference is, I knew the first man to carry [the name of Patriot]...Jeff Mace. And I think Jeff would be proud to have someone as smart and brave as you keeping the name alive. Just like he kept Cap's name alive for a time. Awhile back, during that whole Super Hero Civil War, I remember reading some editorial...someone saying Cap was in the wrong, out of step with the public....that he needed to "find America again," or some nonsense.
 

P: Yeah, I remember that, too.
 

WS: And all I could think was, No...America needs to find him. Because if there were more people here like him, or like your Granddad...then maybe it'd be easier for a kid like you to call yourself a Patriot. I know, just like you, Steve hated a lot of things this country has done. But somehow, he still managed to see the dream. The idea that made this place great to begin with. So, maybe that's what it means for you now. It means trying to live up to that legacy.
 

P: Huhn...Yeah. Maybe. I think I get you.
 

WS: Good, 'cause I have no idea what my point is.
 

P: Sure you do. You just miss him.

This conversation is what really makes the issue for me. Reading this, I get that same feeling when I'm listening to a song and I think "Oh god, it's like this song is written for me!" The issue of what patriotism is, of how you can love your country when there just seems to be so much wrong with it, is something that resonates strongly within me. We've come a long way, but America is still a mess in plenty of places with plenty of obvious spots for critique. Afghanistan, Iraq War, the obvious racism and sexism that is still existent in politics, the media, the societies we live in - hell, take a look at just our politics. The stupidity of certain politicians (or ex-politicians) and all the media attention they garner, in spite of their idiocy or irrelevance, drives me insane.

And it's obvious I'm not the only one that feels this way. The recent Colbert/Stewart rally seems a large reminder of the fact that despite what the newsreels play, Americans are not cut and dry as overtly liberal Democrats or staunchly conservative Republicans, and most of them don't want you to forget that. Bucky himself touches on this in his talk.

In fact, Bucky touches on a lot of things, and my heart melted a little bit with almost every single point he made. In particular, when tells Eli, "But I think you have to realize that America is bigger than its politics or its problems. Steve would say, America is an idea. But I'm not sure i really know what that means, sometimes."

I love that. Because I realized, that is really something you have to do. And it seems so obvious, but truly, it's not. My best friends are Americans. My home and family exist in a neighborhood in a state in America. My favorite little family-run deli with the absolute best calzones and meatball subs I have ever tasted in my life is a little deli that exists in this country. I'm an American. The teachers and people I've met who make me push my boundaries, re-evaluate what I've always known, urge me to keep my mind open and be critical of everything are people who teach in this country, as both people who were born and raised in it and others who immigrated to it. America is bigger than its politics or its problems.

It really is easy to get caught up in the politics, to think how embarrassing we must look to the rest of the country. I've been there, on the online forums or gaming sites where you have UK players shouting "America sux!1!!!1!!" and actually feeling myself agreeing with these illiterate internet trolls. If only I was as literate and strong minded as the Winter Soldier.

Patriotism isn't something to be ashamed of, though it is something to be careful of and carefully defined. It's interesting how the first scene in the issue presents a history class, and how the class calls Eli unpatriotic and implies his hate towards America, simply because he chose to report on one of the darker sides of America (and I stress, one of, since this country has plenty of darker sides to it). Too much cynicism, as Eli seems to grapple with, isn't a great thing, but neither is the opposite - overt, naive patriotism, as is represented by his classmates.

I actually just finished reading an article on this by Thomas J. Schlereth, where he argues the six fallacies of history. The overarching theme of the article (chapter, actually, from his book I believe) is the way historical texts and museums (including living museums, such as Colonial Williamsburg) easily distort history and how this knowledge feeds into the public and alters their perception of America's history. One large distortion is the focus of representation on the good parts of America, the focus on our victories and less so on our defeats or the many, many errors our country has made. People don't realize how much life in the past actually sucked, how hard it was, how much people had to fight and how many people were downtrodden and forgotten about in the textbooks written by the victors, who were more often than not white males. Our history is often given a limited view, one we look at through those nice rose-tinted glasses we so often hear about.

American history is a tricky, multifaceted thing, but it's important to understanding the present, and, I'd say, to respecting it as well. As Bucky says, America, like its people, isn't just one thing, and in understanding that, only then do we really become close to truly understanding America - as an ideal, as a person, as an ideology, as a belief - as a country. 

All images and dialogue (c) Marvel.

Hollywood's Hotties and Heros

I find the use of hot, Hollywood sexpots in Superhero roles interesting.


Generally, I'm thinking of Halle Berry, Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Boobface when I'm talking on this matter.

What I mean is, when you look at comic book culture, the first thing that pops into most people is the archetypal nerd. The 35-year-old man in the XXXL T-Shirt, probably sporting some wacky internet reference that only the people in his WoW guild would understand, lives in his mom's basement, and can name all 50,000 current pokemon types but can't list more than one date he's been on. Now you take this guy, the (stereotypical) representative of ultra-lameness, and then on the opposite end of the scale, on the ultra-coolness side, we have it being represented by the lovely starlettes and success types such as the aforementioned Hollywood Hotties.

Obviously, a lot wrong with that idea. The comic book culture is not soley defined by such couch potato luggabouts. I'm a big comic book fan and I will guarantee you I do not fit that mold, and I actually don't know any other comic fans that do fit it (I can see some as that guy in a couple years, but at the moment, not a chance). But let's pretend we're not trying to be politically correct, and the point I'm making is that generally hot chicks + comic books = nerd's dream fantasty aka not realistic.

And so now here we have the super hero movie, which has been enjoying a successful run recently, and we see that it's employed its fair share of eye candy, and here I'm talking of the variety possessing breasts (not that there aren't breastless ones; I will not argue that Ryan Reynolds is something to be ignored - but I digress). And to me, it sometimes feels like a betrayal of the genre, of the story - and lemme tell ya, comics can really have story. Comics can be deep, thoughtful, provoking. It is not all men with rippling biceps and off-the-charts testosterone levels or women with astronomical tit-sizes that threaten to break free of their sexy spandex costumes that must be super glued to their body.

But anyway, I'm having some trouble staying on track, so here's an example. Halle Berry in the X-Men franchise (one of my personal favorites). Now, in my opinion, she does a less that stellar performance in this series. In fact, I'm going to go so far as to say she does a relatively shittastic job, actually. The character she plays, Storm, is one of the most quintessential X-Men characters, and, in addition to being strong as a major player in the X-Men universe, she's played a powerful role as being one of the first strong, black, female leads in the Marvel comic world. Her character in itself is generally one to be admired; Storm is driven by a heavy moral compass, seeks to protect the weak from the bullish strong, is powerful but not corrupt, and has been party to saving the world any number of times. Halle Berry's Storm? Yeah, she throws around some cool CGI weather effects, gets a haircut between X2 and X-Men 3 and probably stops traffic in her leathertight outfit, but other than that she's nothing. You could put some legs on a plastic waterbottle and have it act out Storm and I'd be more interested.

Not to say attractive woman can't play superhero roles. Because look at Katie Holmes and Gwyneth Paltrow; they play excellent roles. But there's the thing! Surely Hollywood can find some attractive ladies (since you can't be in Hollywood without being attractive in most cases, it seems) that also have talent, instead of thinking "I know! We'll really hook the nerds by getting the chick with the biggest rack we can find to act out this role!" I mean, Scarlett Johansson as the Black Widow. I'm sure there were plenty of Natasha fans getting hot and pleasantly bothered at the news when it first came out. But when I watched her in Iron Man 2 (which had a couple of flaws in itself but ANYWAY) I was mostly disappointed. I mean come on, didn't even get a Russian accent from her. And that's all I really wanted.

I think what this boils down to is: Attractive people who can't act for shit generally make me an unhappy camper, and when they are in a movie that is otherwise excellent, they make me an even unhappier camper, like one who's stuck in the rain and a bear came and ate my food and is in my tent looking for more and so I'm stuck up a tree and accidentally sat on a pinecone so now I've got this terribly uncomfortable thing shoved up my ass and it's just an all around bad situation. Superhero movies are great! I love them. I think a lot of them have done a lot to really expose the genre for what it can be, which is more than what people may think it is at the moment. But falling back on the idea that all people really want to see is hotties in spandex takes away from it. Not to say it isn't present in hundreds of genres of films, but it's the superhero genre I'm talking about here.

This has been a wandering post, and that's because my mind tends to wander on the issue. I can't really pinpoint what it is that really bothers me about this. Maybe it's that you cast someone who is so obviously so removed from their role, who is so opposite of the culture they're mostly appealing to, who doesn't have talent and can just walk into a storyline as a character that maybe I happen to care deeply about, and then just stomp all over it in their killer four-inch-heels.


*Check the inconsistent capitalization of Superhero throughout this post that I was too lazy to change.